EP.9 | 「善意溝通」：以請求代替要求 ft.《讓孩子高飛》余國健

嘉賓：余國健 Jacob（資深家庭教育專家）

「你快啲做功課！」「唔好打機！」「快啲食飯！」——你愈講愈火滾，佢愈做愈慢。唔係佢唔聽，係你嘅語言入面全部係命令，冇俾佢半點選擇。善意溝通系列最後一課，Jacob 直指核心：唔係要你放棄管教，而係將「要求」變成「請求」——減弱權威，賦予選擇，孩子反而更願意合作。

一個功課拖拖拉拉、不停搞文具嘅例子話你知：媽媽話「唔好搞文具」，結果文具收咗，個女開始玩手指——你收得曬咩？反而講「沙漏計 15 分鐘，做完呢份功課就休息」，具體、正面、有時間框，孩子自己揀——一直磨就冇得休，係佢自己嘅決定。

Jacob 更拆解「請求」嘅心法：首先問自己——孩子唔做，邊個困擾？答案通常係父母。既然係滿足你嘅需要，你就要客氣。善意溝通四部曲由觀察、同理、連結到請求，環環相扣；最重要嘅唔係學技巧去控制孩子，而係建立一種平等、尊重嘅關係。當孩子覺得自己被尊重、被明白，佢哋自然更願意合作。

作為善意溝通嘅最終章，今集 Jacob 示範點樣將十句日常命令變成十句請求，以及孩子拒絕後點樣繼續對話而唔係即刻變返命令——呢啲先係長治久安嘅管教。

本集重點

• 要求 vs 請求：核心差異在於「你有冇俾佢選擇權」
• 「誰有困擾」心法：孩子唔做，困擾嘅係你，所以你要客氣
• 因乜「唔好打機」會變成「我睇片」——負面指令的漏洞
• 具體化實例：由「快啲做功課」到「15 分鐘做完一份就休息」
• 正面言辭的力量：「唔好周身郁」→「坐直啲保護脊骨」
• 請求被拒點算：繼續傾問「你覺得點樣先得？」，唔好即刻變返命令
• 善意溝通四部曲總複習：由建立關係到促成合作

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Hello, Jacob Lehoa. Hello, Chris Lehoa. Yao som lay young youth lead joton or de gajan ho fan ha dimin hoy le taising attenti ganguan hai wa. Oh. Come on sent or de la gong jaw sini cotong yo gable cook water. Gum la titoy gajana hola de tita, come soy lang or de do gant de ho fan ha co ging tin go gibbo cook he dim yala. Gum dia bo cook lenza y kunta di pinga. Da y bok the hai tong late hai dolate. They sam the high lingi di fast seat uh you go holly be hi ho see dokeng he dim late so ten fang like seat okay. Y might come to jung you ju jung yu the hai co gang, what they get dicibo coke, ting cow di tai yuko, co king a diman y la demon yang ho ye let y hoy your shin gum ya ndala y thing yu la you you ting a check up tonga they find for t oh msay. I uh kizito la bo cockle kiz a to g my go uh diu ka kisa hai di my leg.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

You can hide link it m chogala k tito layman bako you layo gong to tea so you how let's you ha ha hei di rot yung tenka yu cow. They one bong saw ligga you ha hela tomato you fook near hema or telly bong saw. You must a lady a joy melang or ging fire di matchy go on the you can go some using folk, uh tram youth so don't help fool ko tang jo mele big coy. You got mindset you tuna legal uh could sit you to hollow bin say got a fumo givea mo tum ya could my thing in hora so lit on ha case a ko you say, bingo kwany jugo for bingo quan you can't be a hai fumo kanyu so ye so ye couldn't ye couldn't hop to guess how he quan yuma could ping or so you are. Bunjok to h so you have so you lame five chasin, yeah, come on my high moon to later so you later, you have five yeah, five top yeah, you couldn't jump high layquan you so later, you have a deal, say go. Uh if I don't hide fighty to go, you see that you'll give fire, you gave fire, lay um go to being a yin si um go make sea gun, come so you or go la let you and go for one sueagum. Didn't you go one as a pantomime one drin? Come there, hang. They want you one gum fire one drin, got lake you on one so one side. Come on. Moto I Darkia, Moto San Joagum. Yeah, go high gum joke on the demo. I'm demolity. My dog. Oh my sound joke, or take the fun book, Moto or Type Hina. Like a fine second of I can't. So you cover the old chong to find m go uh see how some di hoyamha demon hoji uh goita uh gong I think being seat on bank sea gana.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

I oh gata yeah, go tie, gumma, you're gonna find for gun chill.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Hi, one to fight them. Come uh they are more so yet one year, come there. Come could deal with the chin challenge, but they're looked in sin.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Hi, okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

You got diet say to get him saying, You got yoga diam to get in, some jobdy. Hi. Come deal my coyu, cyho tengo, conta se ge go to pumpog, a junda coyo dog dig a lamp like so bad or home gaio doting. So later do you are bang on tingle.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Dana Holland, Gaudos and Sab dimpon submetin, though highland may you say.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

Hold on, could do so. Why they could say, Kito you lay there, uh, whatever you only ask, oh yeah, later you want to go for a leader hold my boy, oil so they get to you. Singleton high deep though, go mantai, bind though. You know, just highlight. Come hold on, like something boon command to get a function or six. I see.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

What they build out eggam so. Come on, go gang yoho y demand jongesa.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

He's a gong dom dirige a hei, son gao hangsin com li kao ko young litigate yo so yo. Timan it doesn't easy hoji to go. Timan it does in this battle, single jung lay wood with a toy. I said quite infant than they die to lady care uh suit while you deal case I could in my mind to hoke off a college, Tom Solia, and my father home and bong sour. Single hair by Fargo Yawley, hot diet. You don't um so you have some hop combinator, I go quite. Well, I'm going to go to the same thing. So it don't all cut siwa, who the young seller lay out some or low gang hola, toma, you'll go to hold it, song yum sent you right or tight to lay.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

Hoy gaming guide, who some fat. So yeah, or the high so you let them yung hui dinza. Hey, in butt mean ho let you guys get my high t go gums out to my so you ha. So y to go yogolang, or they sinti ho ye let a long go gin up yogol hike guan hai. Oh guma dot de a chickup so let's get tang fan. Motito a check up let on a hold or y let a hai de hoy tong or the fan yeah. Yogiway, so you ting is an e oh. Oh, I thought that go ahead. Okay, how come yogi with your gin? Okay, oh, yeah.